Honest to God
Hmmm… most of my work on the internet falls into the category of “anonymous rant” or “unfounded speculation” or “tenuous conspiracy theory”. So forgive me if I’m a little out of my league here.
But I’ve been trying my hand at this pastoring thing for just over two years now, and the real thing that I’ve learned about myself in this experience is this: I am passionately devoted to giving others the impression that I am, if not perfect, a great guy.
I am a husband, a father, and a pastor. These are three tasks that work like ultra-violet lights to make all of my shortcomings glow bright white for everyone to see. But I’ve realized in the past months how much I am committed to giving the impression that I never make a mistake or do something selfish. And so I will lie to myself, avoid difficult conversations, and explain away problems in order to never, ever have to admit that I have sinned or failed or wasn’t the perfect pastor/husband/father. I so often become defensive and self-justifying the moment someone dares to point out that I messed up.
I realize now how important it is for me as a pastor to be able to admit my failures to the people in my church and in my family:
-- It promotes the gospel of grace. I am a sinner in need of a savior.
-- It encourages them to trust Christ ultimately, not me.
-- It encourages other Christians to be honest about themselves and promotes a
culture of transparency in the church.
-- It protects me from nurturing the hypocrisy that hardens our hearts.
Tim Keller put it well in the most recent Journal of Biblical Counseling:
The gospel gives you psychological freedom to handle the wrong things that you will do. You won’t have to deny, spin, or repress the truth about yourself. These things don’t make it impossible to know who you are. Only with the support of hearing Jesus say, “You are capable of terrible things, but I am absolutely, unconditionally committed to you,” will you be able to be honest with yourself.
I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time trying to hide the truth about myself. Imagine how our churches would change if their pastors were more committed to being godly than seeming godly!
Thanks so much for this post. I am an elder in training, and it is a tremendous burden/temptation in my heart to want to try and "impress" the elders that are training me. This post is tremendously helpful and encouraging. My pastors are very transparent, but it's nice to hear of another minister struggling with the same thing I struggle with. Blessings to you.
Posted by: Martin | Jun 24, 2007 11:26:01 PM
Mike, greetings from California. I pray your pastorate is going well. I preached at a church in Sacramento, where I ran across a family whose daughter is in college and is attending your church. Quite a small world.
Great encouragement of what you had just shared to everyone.
Will
Posted by: Will Shin | Jun 25, 2007 1:58:50 AM
Great post! It is surely of the same topic that Paul wrote of in 2nd Corinthians. Too many pastors to day put on their superman capes and fly around seeming like they are already incorputible. Paul also tells us "not as though I have already obtained".
All the Glory be to our mercifull God, even in our weekness.
2Cor.12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
For His good name!
Wade Cashion
Posted by: Wade Cashion | Jun 25, 2007 2:11:13 AM
As a church planter, and a guy who is passionate about authentic, personal relationship with the folks whom he preaches to, I guess my question would be this?
What is it, at the root, that causes the facade. I've got some thoughts, but I would really like to hear other's toughts on it. Why are we "Happy Plastic People" as the Casting Crowns sung about? Why? What is it in us that does everything it can to suppress who we really are the struggles that we really have?
I'm really looking forward to reading the answers here...
Posted by: Marc Backes | Jun 25, 2007 8:10:24 AM
The noble intent behind the post notwithstanding, there remains a great deal of self-focus in both the post and in Tim Keller's comment. Long ago I was confronted by how many times I used the word "I" in a paragraph.
Posted by: Doug Simmons | Jun 25, 2007 9:13:37 AM
Great post. I do wish more and more Pastors are real, instead of feeling like that have to be perfect.
Also to comment on Marc's comment above....one word PRIDE.
Posted by: Lori | Jun 25, 2007 9:18:19 AM
What a fantastic post Mike... thanks. A great reminder that God gives grace to the humble... and how often that is not who we actually are....
Posted by: Brian Hamrick | Jun 25, 2007 9:33:28 AM
Good post. I don't think anyone should publicize all their sins and shortcomings, but I agree that neither should we try to portray ourselves as perfect or near-perfect. As Paul said in Romans, O wretched man that I am. I often recall that passage when my pride causes me to think that I am any better than anyone else.
Posted by: Gordy | Jun 25, 2007 9:50:04 AM
What prideful creatures we are. I think we would all do well to remember that none of us are perfect, no not one!
Totally agree with Lori in that I wish more of our pastors were real. It's so much easier to relate to someone that doesn't come across as "holier than thou". I understand they might be on a higher spiritual level than I am, but remember when talking, teaching, rebuking that you were once there yourself. In doing this your ministry will be much more effective.
Posted by: | Jun 25, 2007 10:52:21 AM
What prideful creatures we are. I think we would all do well to remember that none of us are perfect, no not one!
Totally agree with Lori in that I wish more of our pastors were real. It's so much easier to relate to someone that doesn't come across as "holier than thou". I understand they might be on a higher spiritual level than I am, but remember when talking, teaching, rebuking that you were once there yourself. In doing this your ministry will be much more effective.
Posted by: | Jun 25, 2007 10:52:23 AM
We looked at this issue in our sermon yesterday. This issue of hiding who we really are is addressed in Jermiah 17:9. We have deceitful hearts that are always lying to us about who we really are. If we listen to our hearts instead of the Word of God and the other christians God puts in our lives, we will always think better of ourselves. Our deceitful hearts never welcome the truthfulness that a transparent life yields.
Posted by: Ken | Jun 25, 2007 12:30:36 PM
This post certainly brings back memories and some confusion I experienced in my first church. The fear of man ensnared me even though I preached the Word of God faithfully and without compromise; it was my personal relationships that suffered, including my daily relationship with my Father. I was always so concerned with what I perceived the people to be thinking and wanting from me. It is pride, most definitely, selfishly striving to do what I believe they expect of me.
Pastoring isn't easy and we pastors make it worse. It takes a while, brother, to grow into the man of God that He wants you to be, both in the pulpit and in fellowship with your people.
And believe it or not, they will really love you when you reach the point where you can just be yourself around them, a saint, yes, but just good ol' saint Mike. Easier said than done.
Preach the Word, Mike, and be moderately transparent.
Posted by: Johnny T. Helms | Jun 25, 2007 4:12:01 PM
Mike,
I appreciate your words. As one who preaches every week, I don't want to come across as plastic to my congregation by giving the impression that I am above the normal struggles of life. At the same time, I don't want to come across as self-absorbed either. It is a balance we must maintain. I think part of the answer is in having authentic relationships with our people and not giving the impression that we have two personalities, one for the pulpit and one for everything else.
Posted by: Kelly Randolph | Jun 26, 2007 1:17:15 PM
Mike,
I am reminded of the story of the pharisee and the tax collector;
Luke 18:9-14
9He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed[a] thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' 13But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' 14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
When a pastor preaches by giving examples of his failing, it opens the congregation to examine themselves. Take courage in this passage...i.e. "but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
Just someone in the congregation,
Posted by: TD | Jun 28, 2007 9:12:39 AM