A sixth point?
Something Mark also does on a consistent basis when offering criticism is follow it up with a word of encouragement. I've heard many people precede statements of criticism w/positives ("You're really good at this, but..."), whereas Mark consistently follows criticism w/positives. That way, he leaves his listeners with an encouraging word ("You're really bad at this, but I'm amazed by what God has been doing in your..."). I'm always amazed when I walk away from Mark feeling encouraged, and then I stop and realize that he just rebuked me for something. But at that point, the feeling of encouragement translates into wanting even more to take the rebuke to heart. The principle at play, as Mark suggested in his fifth point, is that we humans are more willing to hear the rebukes of people who we know are for us. Ending with encouragement helps people to see that you are for them.
Jonathan, are you able to add another point to Mark's five? It's like adding a tenth point to the nine marks, it just doesn't seem right, does it? Kidding aside, thank you for sharing your observation and firsthand experience with how Mark, an authority figure in your life and in the life of CHBC, addresses tough issues, but knowing that he is doing that for your good and His glory, by criticizing and then encouraging a brother in Christ.
Posted by: TW | Dec 6, 2007 2:03:42 PM
See "One Minute Reprimands" in "The One Minute Manager" :)
Posted by: Kaffinator | Dec 6, 2007 2:25:23 PM
Jonathan, I was thinking about adding a sixth point myself, but having read TW's comment, I'm glad I didn't! That would be like someone calling himself a seven-point Calvinist! No, seriously though, I appreciate Mark's points. I would add this one: Offer criticism in person, not over email. Our digital age makes it very enticing to offer our criticism like we do many other things--through email. But email can't convey what a tone of voice, a touch or a look can convey. And sometimes that makes all the difference.
Posted by: Will | Dec 6, 2007 7:31:15 PM
A few other thoughts about principles of giving and receiving biblical criticism...
1. Is the timing right? Since the tongue of the wise promotes understanding, is the person in the best possible position and place to hear what I have to say?Have I examined the motives and idols of my heart first?
2. What kind of person am I dealing with? (unruly, faint of heart, or weak) that will help guide the approach I take with my words.
3. Do not speak all of our minds (like the fool in Proverbs)since sanctification is a process. Offering biblical criticism is not an isolated event but an opportunity to enter into a redemptive relationship with someone else. People will not know how much we care until we show them how much we care.
4. When offering biblical criticism keep the heart in view and not just behavior. Address issues at the heart level and not just at the behavioral level to promote lasting change.
Posted by: Chris | Dec 7, 2007 8:42:07 AM
Even before Mark and "The One Minute Manager," the concept of never using priase followed by a "but" was taught in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." The book is often used in training sales people, but the author points out throughout the book that if readers use the tips merely as a way to control people, they're bad people. Instead, the author is trying to help readers understand how to demonstrate the care they already feel for others.
Posted by: Fiat Lux | Dec 9, 2007 7:23:41 PM