Mea Culpa
As you may have seen, the July/August 9Marks
eJournal focusing on the topic of marriage was sent out yesterday.
The eJournal began with my editor’s note in
which I considered the link between an individual’s marriage and one’s
evangelistic ministry. Here’s what I originally stated:
Can a man with a
good but wrongly structured marriage have a faithful evangelistic ministry?
This question was posed to me recently. The answer seemed obvious—"Look,
it may not be ideal, but if a person is out there sharing the gospel…"
I then presented the
question to a pastor whom I respect tremendously. I was amazed when he said
that he was unsure whether such a man could. His rationale: "A rightly
ordered and healthy marriage is that close to the heart of the gospel, and an
unhealthy marriage teaches a wrong gospel."
In response, a couple of very loving and
helpful brothers contacted us to say (essentially), “What are you talking
about?! Of course someone with a wrongly structured marriage can have an
effective evangelistic witness! God uses sinners, doesn’t he?”
To which my reply is, “Yes, of course, you’re
right.” Thank you, brothers, for your corrections.
So let me try to state the matter a little
more carefully, and then invite others into the conversation. If you click on
the (revised!) editor’s note on the home page, you’ll see that this is how I
should have stated that second paragraph from the get-go:
I then presented the
question to a pastor whom I respect tremendously, and his reply caused me to
see a link more clearly than I had before: a rightly ordered marriage presents
a picture of the gospel, and, in that sense, a distorted marriage can present a
distorted gospel. Yes, God can certainly use those of us with imperfect
marriages to be effective evangelistic witnesses. Thank goodness! But the more
biblically ordered a marriage is, the clearer will be the portrait of
Christ and the church—that is, the gospel. The clearer the marriage biblically
the better the display of the gospel.
Bottom line: I certainly don’t want to suggest
that a wrongly structured or unhealthy marriage entirely nullifies a couple’s
evangelistic witness. I do want to say that our marriages can present a
different message than our gospel proclamation itself does (like sin does in
our lives generally), and so we need to attend to them diligently. For more on
this, see C.
J. Mahaney’s even-handed article from this last eJournal.
Thoughts?
What do you mean by a "wrongly structured marriage"?
Posted by: Richard | Jun 27, 2008 1:56:49 PM
Jonathan,
I think it does depend on what you mean by "rightly/wrongly structured." Flat out egalitarianism (in theory or practice) is certainly going to give us pause in asking a man to serve as an elder. There is a certain level of maturity in a marriage that should be present for a man to pastor (as with other qualifications). Nevertheless, if a healthy church is "a congregation that increasingly reflects God's character as his character has been revealed in his Word," perhaps we could say the same about marriages.
I remember hearing a sermon in which John Piper tells about turning down a Christianity Today feature on their marriage because things were rough at that period in their marriage and a smiling photo shoot would be a false portrait. It's encouraged me that others go through "rough periods" and that one doesn't have to resign each time things go awry.
What I appreciated about your introduction (even in its original form) is that it is helpful and convicting to remember that a rightly structured marriage presents a picture of the Gospel. That is one reason I was so happy to hear Mark Dever preach a sermon series on Gender (and why I think Complementarianism is the 10th Mark of a Healthy Church).
Thanks for reminding us!
Posted by: Eric M Schumacher | Jun 27, 2008 2:52:39 PM
Jonathan, A suggestion for the ejournal: I have had opportuniy on a few occasions to do pre-marital counseling and weddings for non-Christians. I believe that non-Christians have a right to be married and that it is better for them to know what they are getting themselves into and what God's expectations for marriage are. When they have come to me (whether members of my family or family relations of church members), I generally try to scare them away with a description of how I do counseling and the marriage ceremony centered on the Gospel. But for some reason, some of them have continued to want me to do it.
That said, I have struggled to find a book on marriage that presents a Christian perspective and is apologetically informed for non-believers. Almost all of the good books on marriage assume a Christian perspective. It's frustrating because I find that teaching a Gospel-centered view on marriage is a great opportunity for apologetics and evangelism. But I haven't found a book that does the things I want it to.
Perhaps a different question for your panel - what are the books on marriage that you would recommend for unbelievers? (Perhaps these wouldn't be a different list.) But there may be certain books you would choose to do with non-believers different than the books you would do with Christians. I, for one, would be interested to hear the responses.
Posted by: Matt Foreman | Jun 27, 2008 3:42:15 PM