7 Reasons Not to Go to T4G Break-Out Sessions
Early bird registration for T4G ends in one month. Prices go up after 10/31/09, so you should go register now. You know you're going to wind up going, the only question is if your delay is going to put $50 of your hard-earned money in Matt Schmucker's wallet.
One thing that's new this year at T4G (besides Thabiti's new Yosemite Sam tattoo) is the addition of break-out sessions on Wednesday afternoon. They've invited seven accomplished young pastors to do one hour talks on the topic of their choice. They've also invited me.
So here's the thing: attendees can only choose one breakout session. And if you look at the list of speakers, I'm clearly the not the brightest bulb in the marquee. So I'm pretty confident that my breakout session will end up with me giving my talk to three guys from Idaho who thought they were attending David Platt's session but were too polite to get up and leave once they realized their mistake.
Clearly, drastic measures are in order. I could try to extol the virtues of my breakout session. I could promise to reform my ways and assure you that my session will be pastorally wise, carefully thought-out and well reasoned. But if you're reading this blog, chances are that you already know better.
And so in the tradition of all that is truly great about Reformed blogs, I'm going negative. I'm going to slander the other guys. So, here we go. Here are the reasons you should NOT attend the other seven breakout sessions:
Greg Gilbert -- Wow... because opportunities to hear Greg's thoughts on the gospel are... so... very... rare.
Eric Bancroft -- Before becoming a better pastor than me, he was only an adjunct professor at The Master's College. Is that the really the best you can do?
Kevin DeYoung -- He's like a smarter, funnier version of me. Boring! Plus, in the immortal words of actor Michael Caine: There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.
Tony Carter -- Wisdom, intelligence, and pastoral sensitivity are WAY over-rated. Plus... I've never met him, so how great can he be?
Brian Habig -- I don't know Brian at all, so I feel a little bad about this... but, he's a PCA guy. So you can be sure that he's going to wear a tie and reference Calvin's theology of the sacraments at least once. Is that how you want to spend your precious conference time?
Joshua Harris -- Yeah, because if you don't go to his breakout session, you'll only have 6,745 other opportunities to hear him speak at a conference this year. And I think he's only got 18 books being published in 2010. This guy is under-exposed!
David Platt -- Let's see... lead pastor of a big church, taught at a seminary, brought down the house at the SBC Pastor's Conference, Th.M and Ph.D... but he's already 30! Look, between me and you, I've met David. This guy is a crazy over-achiever. He's just going to make you feel really bad about your life. Don't do that to yourself.
Well, hopefully that was enough to convince you not to attend any of the other seven sessions. If not, don't worry... my back-up plan is to lock Josh Harris in a hotel lobby maintenance closet and take his meeting room. See you in Louisville!
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