Deepak,

Thanks for the great question about pastors' wives.
Thabiti, thanks for the great response.

As someone who made his greatest ever decision in his life (that wasn't effected by irresistible grace - though she's pretty irresistible) in asking Hannah to marry me, let me give unmarried (would-be-)pastors some tips on looking for a woman who will make an exceptional pastor's wife.

1) Recognise that an exceptional pastor's wife is someone who will be exceptional at encouraging you to be a faithful pastor. This means first of all that you will have someone who loves Jesus, and loves to see you love Jesus. Whenever I act in transparently sinful ways, I'm so thankful for a wife who is quick to encourage me to spend time in the word and on my knees.

Though there are no biblical qualifications for pastors wives, I think it is a practical necessity that a pastor has a wife who deeply loves Jesus. If not, he has enough pastoral work to do within his family without seeking pastoral responsibilities outside of it.

2) Don't marry a woman who has as her life's ambition the desire to be an exceptional pastor's wife. If, as Thabiti so rightly said, "pastor's wife" is not a biblical office, look for a woman who will be a great wife and mother. A woman who particularly wants to marry you because you are a pastor may have all kinds of pre-conceived expectations of what her life might look like in that role, but it is very likely that just trying to be a faithful wife, and, Lord willing, mother will not be high enough on her agenda.

When Hannah and I started talking about marriage, she was willing to be a pastor's wife because she wanted to marry me. Don't go marrying someone who is willing to marry you because she wants to be a pastor's wife.

3) Before marrying, make it clear that you feel that the Lord would have you serve as a pastor.

When you are married, however, recognise that the possible places where you will serve the Lord will be made clear to you in part by the response of your wife to particular opportunities. So, if you decide that the Lord calls you to go to be a missionary in India, and your wife makes it clear that she is unwilling, recognise that the Lord is saying through your wife "no, not now". If you still really feel the Lord would have you in India, pray for a change of heart in your wife, but don't go "with or without her consent". I'm grateful for the Lord's providence in using Carey's decision to go to India without his wife's consent. However, I don't think that this decision should ever be a model of how we prioritise ministry to the world over ministry to our wives, however strategic that ministry might be.

OK Carey fans, shoot me down...