Jonathan, you said our misguided brother heading into ministry was using the language of "God calling me." I would encourage him that any internal sense of calling needs to be confirmed by the church externally. 1John 4:1 "Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God...." This command is addressed to the whole church. This isn't to claim that the church has "more" authority than the Spirit. It's that God has saved us into a community in order to help us test the spirits together. Besides, many people make autonomous decisions without seeking counsel and then try to make their position impregnable with the subjective "God is calling me to do it" rationale.

As to situation #1, the family who has a member persisting in unrepented sin as a professing believer, I think a good place to start is Mark 3:33-35 "Jesus said, who are My mother and My brothers? ...whoever does the will of God, he is My brother and sister and mother." Or again in Matthew 10:34 "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, and a man's enemies will be the members of his own household." Jesus redefines our family, and the truly believing family members need to agree with that in principle from the beginning of the conversation.

But I'd need to ask more questions. Is the immediate family member a spouse or an offspring? If he's a spouse with long-standing unrepentance, the situation is thornier, and I'd want to pray a ton and ask the advice of my elders. 1Peter 3:1 may apply if the sinning member is a husband. If the sinning member is a wife, then the husband still has a responsibility to provide food, of course (1Tim 5:8), even he doesn't eat it with her. If this is a 20 year old kid living at home because he refuses to work, kick him out (2Thess 3:10)! If the flagrance and repetitiveness of a gross sin poses a danger to the other members, is there also a social justice element that would need to come into play?

This is tough, but unless you other brothers can prove otherwise, and unless there's a missing fact that would change the situation, it's hard to see how we can ignore 1Cor 5:11 just because it hits us in the family room. But if the church is going to counsel a Christian family this way, then the church also needs to act like a family to them and walk with them through the process, probably through relationships built in a small group environment. This kind of ocounsel would have to come with a committment to fellowship and accountability. Let's not tell someone they can't eat with their spouse and then pat them on the back with a chipper "how's that working out for you?" Invite the spouse to dinner at someone's home occassionally (perhaps provoking the sinning spouse to a right kind of jealousy). Take them out for a meal. Pray with them through it. Love them through it.

OK, I've finally shown up. On being God's blessed instrument to tell a brother that he may not be called to vocational ministry when he thinks he is... The wider ministry of the church may help here. If this guy is in a small group, he might have a couple people who are willing to be painfully honest with him.

I'd imagine this is where a regular service review would come in especially handy. It provides a ready made forum for just this kind of conversation. Set aside some time either on Sunday evening or early in the week to constructively critique everything in the service and adult ed hour. Invite everyone who led or taught on Sunday. As our friend has public teaching opportunities, invite him to the review. Encourage where you can, but be lovingly honest with him. As the comments begin to sound graciously but clearly similar, we can pray that our brother will receive the godly criticism in the love with which it is given. This way, he doesn't feel unhelpfully singled out for critique, because everyone is giving it and getting it in the context of that informal gathering. Cultivating an atmosphere of godly criticism and encouragement makes this kind of conversation more normal, less awkward, and more likely to be received well.

If the brother is still not aware, then if I have elders in this situation, I might use them here in a collective way. This would not be to gang up on the poor guy, of course. It would simply be to help him hear the same difficult (but true) thing from multiple godly men. Invite him to ask the other elders estimation of his gifts and calling. If I don't have elders in this situation, I might grab one or two other godly men in the congregation who could serve in a similar way.

All right, I'll jump in. I understand that the other 48 guys who have access to post on this blog are busy. Whereas Greg, Mike the spiteful Brit, and I seem to have unlimited time.

With respect to #2, I think the way forward is to shoot straight with your brother. If you haven't been fruitful in ministry before you sensed a call, you probably won't suddenly become fruitful just becuase you have a seminary degree or a paid position in a church.

It's also worth investigating why your friend wants to pursue ministry. Most of us don't pursue opportunities to do things that we're not good at (me and my blogging career aside).

1. Does he have an inflated sense of his gifts and fruitfulness? If so, you may have to go to the tape. "Brother, you're a horrendous preacher. Please don't ever do it again under any circumstances." (or something roughly to that effect) may be the nicest thing anyone ever says to him.

2. Does he feel unwarranted guilt over not serving in full-time vocational ministry, as if those who really want to be excellent Christians need to be in paid ministry? If so, it may be helpful to instruct him on vocation.

But, with all that being said, it could be that you're wrong and God plans to do crazy things for the kingdom through this guy. So you've got to approach it with humility and love for your brother.